Since I left my job in the city in June, I thought that it would now be the perfect time to throw myself into all the stuff I had wanted to do for so long but didn't have the time. I thought that I would finally be able to fulfill the purpose for which God put me on the Earth, and that seemed to mean saying yes to everything and everyone that has come my way.
As a result, I am now once again overloaded with stuff, pulled in a million directions, and I don't think I'm doing what God wants me to do. I have become resentful of the church, I don't want to go but have to go because I made a commitment and no one else will help, and I'm mad that people can just waltz in and out of the church without contributing at all. I've know for a while that there has been a problem, but kept thinking, no, as long as I am doing God's work, I can't be resentful, it's all for Him, etc., etc., but the truth is that I hate going to church on Sunday mornings.
So we've been listening to the White Horse Inn program on Sunday mornings (it has actually piqued Scott's interest), and have thought for a while that we should go to the local sponsoring church, an Orthodox Christian Reformed Church in Edmonton. Scott took the kids to Vermilion today, so I thought it would be a great opportunity to check out the church and then bring Scott back. I wavered on it all day, but a small voice kept telling me to go, so I was sure that God was leading me to a church that Scott would connect with.
As I drove through downtown, I saw the people on the streets, just walking around, some huddled in front of bars and other buildings, most with no place to go. I was flagged down by a prostitute on a corner, and when she saw I was a woman, she waved me along in disgust. My heart went out to these people, and then I drove past the Mustard Seed Church, dark and quiet until 700.
I arrived at the Church just past six, and the first thing I heard was AN ORGAN! Oh no, what had I come into? This wasn't a "contemporary service" as the pastor had advertised....this was like a church service from 30 (or more!) years ago. I thought it would be rude to leave, but a voice was calling me away....calling me to go back to Church on 99 to catch the end of their service.
And so I drove down to Church on 99, parked in the overflow since I was 20 minutes late, and was greeted by a young usher and booming music....during a baptism! The energy was amazing, and the band played one last loud song, and I knew this was where I was supposed to be tonight. My suspicion was confirmed when the Pastor began to speak on People Pleasing. It truly is a form of idolatry.
I am a classic People Pleaser, can't say no, don't want to offend, want everyone to like me, and as a result, I cannot fulfill my true purpose in life. I have overcommitted myself to my church because it's "the right thing to do", and now I hate going on Sundays. I have no issue with FPU on Mondays, as it is there I can help people, which is where my heart is. And my heart is with those people downtown, and that prostitute who scowled at me, for no one is a mere mortal, they are all children of God. I know what my calling is, and I will serve where I am supposed to be serving. Of course, I can't give up anything I've already committed to - and that's not People Pleasing, that's just common courtesy. But I'm not volunteering for anything else and I am leaving all ministries other than my Fnancial Peace ministry.
Does that sound selfish? I don't know - maybe to most people it does. All I know is that by caring about what others think means putting people before God, which should never be the case. I've said yes to too many things and now I have no time for the Ministry I'm sure He meant me to be involved in.
It's time to do what He put me here to do.