Tonight is my fifth week at the Mustard Seed, and some interesting things happened in the third week that have made me think a lot about what I am doing there and why. How easy it is, as mortal humans, to make everything about us - we are so self-centered!! After the first fabulous two weeks, I was looking forward to the third week, but not for the right reasons. I was hoping to chat with certain people, hoping to hear certain karaoke songs, and was thirsting for that "feel good feeling" that I had before...it was all for me.
Imagine my surprise when I arrived and found a different aura - at first I couldn't pinpoint it, but everything seemed a little down from the moment I drove up - maybe it was the overcast night. I then entered the church, started doing my thing, and it was almost like a thin cloud was hanging around me, and I couldn't feel anything for what I was doing. It was very wierd, but I continued along the evening, and drove home wondering what had just happened. And then it hit me - I wasn't going there to make myself feel good, or hang out with the crowd, I was going there to serve and to be humble.
And so last week, I drove downtown with a different attitude - that I was going to welcome whatever came to me that week, good or bad, but realizing that this is not something I am doing for me, but for Him, and His Glory.
As it turns out, last week was different, and busy as I served juice instead of handing out plates. This week maybe I'll just clear coffee mugs from the tables, even though I would rather hand out plates, but it's not about me. I did see my friend with the Mohawk who had sung a wonderful karaoke version of Plush two weeks before, and I asked him if they had Interstate Love Song. Next thing I knew, he was on the microphone, singing my song, and came over after and I praised him, because it was great.
What a gift I have been given to serve in this way. Sometimes I think I should be doing something bigger and better for God, but maybe this is it for now. He'll tell me if there is more.