Rain, Pain and Shania Twain

You sit and stare out at the sky
And think of ways to fake a smile
But life is never what it seems
Sometimes it only takes a while

I'm in the way of falling down
I won't let you go that far now

If you think that hope was left behind
I picked it up a mile ago
And I am running close behind
So don't give up and don't let go

This was the song that ended my run this morning, good ol' Jars of Clay, a run full of reflection on this second day of July. Where has the time gone? It seems as if the last six months have been a blur, and I can hardly remember them.

I was watching a documentary on Shania Twain yesterday as I was folding clothes, getting ready to go to Victoria, and it was tough watching this brilliant superstar be stripped down and confessing her pain over her broken marriage and a friend's betrayal. She reminded me of me, saying, "I just want to yell at myself to GET OVER IT!", and she won't cry, and she won't talk, and holds it all in. Boy oh boy that can it away at your insides. For her, she lost her voice, and for me, I lost all hope that life could ever be good again. Why do anything positive when tragedy could just be around the corner?

But she also said something that stuck with me, "I realize that I have these scars and I have to learn how to live with them." Gee, people live with scars far worse than mine, and somehow they get through it and carry on with life. Does it help to wallow in self pity, eat myself into oblivion, and make decide to never build myself up again because sooner or later, something is going to send me crashing down?

And so I have to just live with these scars, acknowledge them, and move on. I'm sure there will be more tough times ahead - that's what life is all about, but I need to remind myself over and over: He's in the way of falling down, and He won't let me go far.