Here we are, in the third week of school, and all is well. Matthew seems to have found a renewed joy for school and is a much happier boy than he was last year, and Elizabeth is making friends (of course she is!). They are memorizing scripture, doing daily devotions, and are learning in a strict but loving environment. It was definitely the correct decision.
But I sit this evening in a bit of a funk, thinking back to the summer and all the fun things we did (despite the weather), and it plays back like a movie on fast-forward, and I wonder where the time went. And I sit here wishing away the next twelve weeks, because I have once again taken on too much and don't know how I'm going to fit it all in. My mind is buzzing with all of the things that need to be done. Last week I thought, "When this week is over, I'll be able to relax." Well, last week is over, and now I find myself saying, "When Thankgiving weekend comes along, I'll be able to relax." What will come next?
"By Christmas, I'll be able to relax."
"When school's out, I'll be able to relax."
"When the kids are older, I'll be able to relax."
"When I'm dead, I'll be able to relax."
And so on and on I'll go, wishing away my life, and never being able to relax. I wonder why I constantly feel overwhelmed, even though I'm not really all that busy (I only work a couple hours a day, after all!). For some reason, everything that needs to be done creates noise in my brain, and I try to shut it off by eating (yah, like that will work), which sends negative thoughts all around, out of control thoughts, and more noise. IT NEVER ENDS!
I completed a KI lesson on prayer today, and maybe it's time to give this prayer thing a real shot. Yes, I pray here and there, but I seem to need a calm brain in order to pray, and that just hasn't been happening these days. I know this brain chaos is all my own fault, but I can't seem to figure it out on my own. So let's see what happens.
Please Lord, quiet my brain and let me enjoy the peace of the moment....