How I Spent My Saturday

This time of year is always tough - client demands, deadlines, and the volume of tax season. It happens every year, and I've been doing this for a while now so it's not so much of a surprise anymore. Being the last week of March, which is always the busiest week of the year, I sent the kids off to the in-laws for the weekend so that I could catch up on work and spend some time with them next week during spring break. I have been doing volunteer tax returns with the town for a few years now, and decided this year to visit the seniors' lodges in town so that they didn't have to trek down to the library, risking their limbs on the snow and ice (is it EVER going to melt???), and I could complete their tax returns in the comfort of their own buildings. First stop - Goldring Manor, where I arrived at 1000, just in time to see the Canadian ladies curling team beat China and win a place in the gold medal game. There were a few waiting for me when I arrived, and they were all patient, and Ed, being the gentleman from another era, let the ladies go first even though he had been one of the first to arrive. They were all appreciative, thankful, and I received a box of chocolate dinner mints from one of them. One lady commented that she just couldn't go down the stairs at the usual place she has her taxes done, and was so grateful that I came for a visit. Next stop - Discovery Place, where the seniors I met we primarily over 80 (and almost 90), and sat with me, chatting about life and the weather, happy to sit for a few minutes to get their taxes over and done with! After some minor technical difficulties, I was rolling, and sadly ended my time by telling the last gentleman that he owed tax. "What do you mean," he cried. "I don't make any money!" I walked away with a resolve to find him some extra tax credits if it was that last thing I did! Last stop - The Mustard Seed, dodging monster-sized potholes along the way, Saturday night, with the Oilers playing the Flames and the inner city folks gathered together to see if the Oil could spoil Calgary's hopes of making the playoffs (they didn't - surprise, surprise). I ran down the list, punching in government benefit slips, printing pages, and providing instructions. I think I might have convinced Gary to file the tax returns he has missed for the last 11 years. He had been homeless for a long time before recently getting his own place. It would be worth it even if he could just get three years of GST credits back. At first, he was reluctant, but just as I left, he came over to chat about it further....when I see him on Tuesday, I'll make sure I bug him. And the quote of the night, of course from Sheldon, who wandered over to say goodbye as I was leaving, and I asked if he filed taxes to get GST, and his response: "Who cares about GST? I don't need any money!" and off he went, back to his table to cheer on his beloved Flames. I'll keep working on him. It was a frantic and busy Saturday, rushing in and out of the house, trying to do bits of work in between visits, but I went to bed thinking about becoming a nurse....and working at The Mustard Seed....and helping whoever needs it - healthy or sick, rich or poor. It was so worth it!

A Conversation

Me: Sheldon, do you want to take some food home?

Sheldon: HOME? I don't have a home.

Me: Where do you go when you leave here?

Sheldon: I've been staying at a friend's place, but before that, the Hope.

Me: Well, at least it's getting warmer.

Sheldon: I hate it when it gets warmer.

Me: Why?

Sheldon: Because then I can't walk on the river.

Me: Why do you walk on the river?

Sheldon: I don't know.

Me: Well, it's spring, don't walk on the river.

Sheldon: Why?

Me: Because the ice would break and that would be the end of Sheldon.

Sheldon: Why would that be a bad thing?

sigh.....

Reality

I hummed happily to myself as I headed downtown to the Mustard Seed, ready to do my duty, anticipating another great night. And it was a great night, but marred by the harsh reality of things that go on in the dark inner city while we're curled up in suburbia, oblivious to anything other than our warm beds.

The wind started to kick up as I arrived, and a few of the guys called, "Hey Jo, can you ask us to let us in early?" Thankfully, we did, and the crowds wandered in out of the biting wind, and I was amazed at the volume of families that came in last night. One of the crowd that came in later was a young guy that I've noticed before, the one who walks with a cane and wears a heavy downfilled jacket, long and down below his knees. Some days he walks very slowly, and last night his head was hooded, hiding his face, and I soon saw why. His eyes were blackened, his face cut, obviously the result of a serious run-in with the wrong guy. He politely came for coffee and I tried not to look at him with pity, but I'm sure I did, and I wonder what happened to him during the week.


Then I found out more about Sheldon, who has become very talkative these past few weeks. His mom died a while ago and he kept telling me how much he hates people. I felt sad for him, because when he first mentioned his mom to me a few weeks ago, he called her, "Mommy", with love in his voice, and I didn't realize at the time that she was gone.

But the night wasn't all gloomy and sad - after all, it was karaoke night! A young guy did an awesome rocking rendtion of "Sunglasses at Night" - one of the best songs I had heard since I began at The Mustard Seed back in June. He probably wasn't even born when that song was released, and the video aired with a cool young Corey Hary and his elf-like shoes.

And so I take it all in, the good with the bad, and do what I can to help each week, and maybe if I'm lucky I can make someone smile. I'd like to think there is hope for all of us, and I can see it in myself as I'm coming out of the storm that has enveloped me for the last few months.

On Monday night, I was able to fall asleep before 10:00 for the first time since November.

I Have No Friends!

When you really think about it, Facebook is so silly and useless. People that you didn't really care about 20 years ago want to be your "friend" - why would they want to be your friend now when they didn't 20 years ago? We then feel all pumped when we have new "friends", and waste away hours perusing their profiles and seeing what they have been up to. I started to wonder about the privacy of Facebook when I was able to stumble upon photo albums of "friend's friends" - looking at pictures I had no business looking at, and then I wondered who could see my pictures? I thought my privacy settings were accurate, but who really knows in this age of rapidly changing technology. And so, a couple of months ago, I deleted about half of my "friends", leaving only some family members and people I actually talk to. Then, this past Saturday, in an act of internet rebellion, I deleted everybody.

I hadn't intended on deleting everyone - I started with acquaintences who had avoided the chopping block before, then moved onto other real friends, then family members, and then just thought, "What the heck, let's get rid of all of them!". It was oddly liberating, and the few people with whom I shared the news could hardly believe it. "What do you mean you got rid of all your friends?" "You didn't take ME off your list, did you???"

I still have my Facebook account, and I'm sure I'll get friend requests someday, but for now I've chosen to just stay off and keep my pictures to myself. After all, do we really know who might be lurking out there??? Certainly not a friend.

Tammy Has Grandkids!

I feel like a broken record going on and on about weekly occurances at the Mustard Seed, but so many neat things are starting to happen as walls come down and people start opening up to me. I took a brand new karaoke machine over on Monday afternoon, and Helen gave me a big hug - it was a lot of excitement with the karaoke crowd that they were going to be able to ditch the old, run down machine. The afternoon crowd had a different vibe - people coming and going, sorting clothes on the tables, sipping on coffee. It was nice and casual. And of course who would I run into but Sheldon, first looking at me like, "What are you doing here?", and then saying in his slow sarcastic way, "I saw what you brought in." He does not enjoy karaoke night. I told him I'd bring him some extra donuts to make up for it.

When I arrived on Tuesday, Nathan and Mel were setting up the new machine, and it worked perfectly. No skipping disks, no issues, but most of the great karaoke regulars (Amos, Clayton, Gary) didn't come last night - maybe because they thought there would be no karaoke? The music was good last night, lots of different people, great renditions of songs....I was so glad to be able to contribute! Even when Helen called me up on the mike, although I was embarrassed to be recognized openly, it was so nice to be thanked and cheered for, just for that small gesture. Georgie then came over to the coffee bar to thank me personally - it was worth it to hear her sing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" in her crazy way!

But the highlight of the night had to be when Tammy (the women that it took me months to get a smile out of) started telling me about her new grandson, and that she had three grandkids now! For one thing, she looks way too young to be a grandma, but I was just thrilled that she decided to share that with me!

I've never thought of myself as a "people person" - I like to be alone most of the time, but when I do interact with people (on my own terms), whether it's with clients, out in public, or at The Mustard Seed, I really enjoy myself. Maybe as I'm getting older I'm appreciating human interaction a bit more....who knows.

But my thoughts of becoming a staff member came to a grinding halt last night as the staff filled up buckets with bleach to clean a urinal which someone decided to use as a toilet. There is some truth to the inner city that I don't often see because we are in a safe place where people are sober, and I am just a volunteer who hangs out and serves coffee. I wonder if my posts would be so full of optimism and hope if I went and hung out at George Spady for a day, where all people are welcome, drunk, high or sober.....

Empathy

My dad and I were having a chuckle about whether Scott would enjoy hanging out at the Mustard Seed. We decided he would not. My theory is that Scott has no empathy - he just can't relate to those who are a little down and out, and sees everything in black and white. If he just knew that a lot of people that come in to the Mustard Seed are neither down nor out, and many are just looking for a place to hang out for a couple of hours. On the other hand, maybe not everyone is right for an inner city mission, and I just can't see that because more and more I am seeing it as a place where I could be all of the time.

Our karaoke machine broke on Tuesday...now that made it a long night as the TV was tuned into a tennis match (why they weren't watching hockey, I have no idea). Apparently the laser is gone and they need an entire new machine. Not only is the machine used for karaoke on Tuesday, but also movie night on Friday. I am waiting to hear whether a new machine is in the budget, because if it isn't, I told Megan I would buy a new one (at which point I received a thankful hug from Helen, the community member who runs karaoke each week). Tuesday night just isn't the same without Gary's rendition of Johnny Cash, or Amos' rendition of Johnny Cash, or Clayton's wailings to Stone Temple Pilots or Nirvana. Even when some "less talented" singers take their turn at the mike, it's still fun. I have to make sure that they have a new machine for next Tuesday - I don't want to be stuck listening to tennis again!

Of course there are those who cringe at karaoke night, including Sheldon, who was very happy that the machine was broken (I didn't tell him I was going to buy a new machine!). We had a spirited discussion about our hockey teams (he's a Flames fan), and it was great to find something else to talk to him about. He's a funny guy, with that biting sarcasm that often leaves him sitting alone at the tables. But underneath he's just like the rest of us, with a mom and a dad, and a love for his sports teams (even if they are the Calgary Flames and the Winnipeg BlueBombers!). It's taken me seven months to dig under his layers, but it was worth it to have a great, yet insulting discussion about our rebuilding Edmonton Oilers!

And remember the woman who comes in every week, looking all grumpy, and I managed to eak a smile out of her a couple of months ago? She came in this week and addressed me by name with a cheery, "Hi Jo." Wow, I never would have guessed that in a million years. I even found out her name - Tammy.

So even though my beloved karaoke machine was broken, it was still a great night at The Mustard Seed. No wonder I can't wait to go back week after week.

So Cold

There is a song by Breaking Benjamin that came out a few years ago with this title, and even though it's not about being cold, I've been thinking about it a lot this morning after a sad night at The Mustard Seed. The lyrics that keep going through my head:

Show me how it ends, it's all right.
Show me how defenseless you really are.

My heart was crying last night for the people that walked through the doors of The Mustard Seed. Some were only wearing layers of sweatshirts, few had proper boots, and many were very cranky. I was yelled at twice last night for refusing second plates - the first time I had been yelled at (apparently, it won't be the last). I could only look at them with sympathy and understanding - what I day they must have had.

The temperatures had been hovering around -20 all day, and was dropping by the time we let the community in around 630. Stewart and I watched the window thermometer as it dropped, and the people kept streaming in from the outside, looking for some warmth, however brief. Usually by 930 there is a noticeably thinner crowd, and cleanup can begin, but a lot were hanging around last night. I watched as they gathered their blankets and headed out. One man and his girlfriend came in about 945 and he was begging for food, but we didn't have any to give - the food and hot chocolate was all long gone. I gave him some peanut butter and jam that we had behind the counter, and I saw him munching on some ice cream cones that had been left on the shelf. His girlfriend helped clean up so that they could stay a little longer, and then they gathered their blankets to head off, who knows where. I thought about them every time I woke up in the night.

And then there was Sheldon, who came in to play cards, Sheldon with the crazy curly hair, who had been the only recognizeable face in a dream I had about the Mustard Seed when I first started back in June. The dream had a winding lineup of people, and I didn't know any of them other than Sheldon, who stood out from the crowd like a bright light. Last night as I was cleaning up the tables he paused before he left, looked at me, and I just felt a call to go say good night. All I said was, "Have a good night, see you next week", and he responded in his slow way, "I'll try." There must be a reason why he was pointed out to me in that dream.

As we left, a couple came in to ask if they could use washroom, even though we were closed. Maria was angry with them, but the young guy, who I had always seen as a rough and tumble cool guy, pleaded with her, "Please Maria, I need to go pee."

Show me how defenseless you really are.

Show me how it ends, it's all right.

I can only hope it all ends up all right. How blessed I felt last night to be sleeping in a warm bed.