It's Great To Be Back!

I haven't been to church since July 10 - the Sunday before my surgery. To be honest, there was no way I could have gone back until at least mid-August, since being in a sitting position for more than about 20 minutes was quite uncomfortable. Once I was feeling a little better in later August, I then was reluctant to return, since my buddy and her family were gone, and I wasn't sure how I was going to react upon returning to church with them not being there, and I certainly didn't want to make a spectacle of myself! I already had done that once - in the hospital, when I looked at the clock on Sunday afternoon and realized I was missing their going away party, and I had a major meltdown in my hospital bed. Luckily, my favorite nurse was in the room at the time and helped me breathe again - the problem was that I was starting to cry, and crying hurt, so I was hyperventilating, and caused a big scene.

And so I stayed away, but did some studying (Song of Songs!), and read some great books (Chuck Missler and Francis Chan!), and decided that the Fall Kick Off would be a great time to return. The teaching series was on parables - some of my favorite parts of the New Testament, and best off all, we were burning the church mortgage!!

The return was even better than I could have imagined.

A few times during worship I was reminded that there was a big family missing in the pews behind us, and my eyes glistened, but I didn't feel sad, because I knew it was time to move on. So often this past year I have used them as a buffer (after all, it's easy to hide among a bunch of kids!) and I have been terribly anti-social, but in hindsight it's just been one of those "trying years" where God becomes so much clearer.

And sitting there in my seat, with my precious buffer gone, everything seemed more clear. I was excited to begin Sunday School next week, after grumbling for the past couple of years that "nothing interested me" (when the truth was, I really didn't want to hang out with a bunch of people). I felt called to The Mustard Seed more than ever, and may expand my horizons beyond Karaoke Tuesday and into PAC - the Personal Assistance Centre. I had a great chat with one of our worship leaders and I may get onto a worship team soon....or at least be able to hang around with them a bit to learn the ropes. So many exciting things to do after a summer of laying around and feeling sorry for myself.

But then....I had to remind myself that we can get so busy "doing" that we forget about nurturing that relationship with The One for whom we are "doing" everything. I made that mistake last year, trying to do too many things at once, and I completely burnt out. Done. Finit. I had enough of life.

Maybe all of this stuff that happened over the past year was God's way of forcing me to slow down, to give up the things that weren't important, and to force myself to rely on Him for strength when some days it felt like I couldn't continue any longer. Now that I seem to have poked my head out from beneath the dark clouds, I sure can't forget everything He helped me with.

I think it might be better right now to continue in this quiet space of life I've created and just let Him lead....to whatever and wherever.