Here we are, in the third week of school, and all is well. Matthew seems to have found a renewed joy for school and is a much happier boy than he was last year, and Elizabeth is making friends (of course she is!). They are memorizing scripture, doing daily devotions, and are learning in a strict but loving environment. It was definitely the correct decision.
But I sit this evening in a bit of a funk, thinking back to the summer and all the fun things we did (despite the weather), and it plays back like a movie on fast-forward, and I wonder where the time went. And I sit here wishing away the next twelve weeks, because I have once again taken on too much and don't know how I'm going to fit it all in. My mind is buzzing with all of the things that need to be done. Last week I thought, "When this week is over, I'll be able to relax." Well, last week is over, and now I find myself saying, "When Thankgiving weekend comes along, I'll be able to relax." What will come next?
"By Christmas, I'll be able to relax."
"When school's out, I'll be able to relax."
"When the kids are older, I'll be able to relax."
"When I'm dead, I'll be able to relax."
And so on and on I'll go, wishing away my life, and never being able to relax. I wonder why I constantly feel overwhelmed, even though I'm not really all that busy (I only work a couple hours a day, after all!). For some reason, everything that needs to be done creates noise in my brain, and I try to shut it off by eating (yah, like that will work), which sends negative thoughts all around, out of control thoughts, and more noise. IT NEVER ENDS!
I completed a KI lesson on prayer today, and maybe it's time to give this prayer thing a real shot. Yes, I pray here and there, but I seem to need a calm brain in order to pray, and that just hasn't been happening these days. I know this brain chaos is all my own fault, but I can't seem to figure it out on my own. So let's see what happens.
Please Lord, quiet my brain and let me enjoy the peace of the moment....
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Decisions
The first day of school has always been a favorite - new pencils, fresh clothes, smiling faces (other than the grumpy high schoolers I saw walking down the road this morning!), but I always wonder what kind of year it's going to be. It seems to get more difficult as the kids get older.
We put this kids into a different school, hoping for a Christian Education and smaller class sizes, but when we arrived there had been a bunch of new registrations and Elizabeth's class was the same size as the year before - 16. She then started to cry because she didn't know anyone. Truthfully, she did know two of the kids in her class, but it wasn't like Robina Baker where she would have known everyone in her class.
And then there was Matthew - we walked into his classroom and he immediately spotted Owen, his "nemesis" (Matthew's word) from grade 3. It looked like his class had grown as well.
So I went home and cried, because Matthew seemed upset about Owen and Elizabeth was crying. Why had I even switched schools? Matthew could have been a senior kid at Robina Baker, he could have done track and cross country, and Elizabeth would have been happy with her gaggle of girlfriends. But then I had to remember the big picture - they were going to get a solid Christian Education, the teachers really seemed to care, and they had to learn that saying the Lord's Prayer every morning in school wasn't a bad thing.
Like a paranoid parent, I snuck over at lunchtime to see how they were doing. Matthew and Owen were laughing and running together on the playground, and Elizabeth was jumping on Matthew's back.
Silly me.
We put this kids into a different school, hoping for a Christian Education and smaller class sizes, but when we arrived there had been a bunch of new registrations and Elizabeth's class was the same size as the year before - 16. She then started to cry because she didn't know anyone. Truthfully, she did know two of the kids in her class, but it wasn't like Robina Baker where she would have known everyone in her class.
And then there was Matthew - we walked into his classroom and he immediately spotted Owen, his "nemesis" (Matthew's word) from grade 3. It looked like his class had grown as well.
So I went home and cried, because Matthew seemed upset about Owen and Elizabeth was crying. Why had I even switched schools? Matthew could have been a senior kid at Robina Baker, he could have done track and cross country, and Elizabeth would have been happy with her gaggle of girlfriends. But then I had to remember the big picture - they were going to get a solid Christian Education, the teachers really seemed to care, and they had to learn that saying the Lord's Prayer every morning in school wasn't a bad thing.
Like a paranoid parent, I snuck over at lunchtime to see how they were doing. Matthew and Owen were laughing and running together on the playground, and Elizabeth was jumping on Matthew's back.
Silly me.
Outside
Last night was a different night at The Mustard Seed; it was their annual "work-bee" time and so the building was closed as they painted, repaired, and refreshed the building for the upcoming year. Of course, even when the building is closed there are still hungry people walking around, and so we served simple sandwiches and juice to the neighbourhood people.
It was a new experience in the fresh air, but nice to see the people sitting in chairs, talking, eating their sandwiches, and smiling. We also experienced the reality of the inner city - because we were not confined to the walls of the building, in which no person can enter if they are under the influence, we had a few inebriated people walk through. However, they were pleasent, happily took a sandwich (one apparently stumbled into the staircase at the back of the building), and reminded me that there is more to inner city work than serving the safe people.
The usuals came around - Stewart and Georgie, Michael, and lots of other who I have yet to know their names, but those who were missing were notably those who love the karaoke night and come around for a meal and to sing a song. I wonder what they were up to last night. We saw a few new people as well - lots of guys on bicycles, including a hilarious young guy who kept rolling through on his bike, taking as many sandwiches as we could give him. Some people probably left with around 10 sandwiches as we had plenty, but those will probably only last for a few snacks, perhaps a breakfast and a lunch, and then we will see them again.
It was a new experience in the fresh air, but nice to see the people sitting in chairs, talking, eating their sandwiches, and smiling. We also experienced the reality of the inner city - because we were not confined to the walls of the building, in which no person can enter if they are under the influence, we had a few inebriated people walk through. However, they were pleasent, happily took a sandwich (one apparently stumbled into the staircase at the back of the building), and reminded me that there is more to inner city work than serving the safe people.
The usuals came around - Stewart and Georgie, Michael, and lots of other who I have yet to know their names, but those who were missing were notably those who love the karaoke night and come around for a meal and to sing a song. I wonder what they were up to last night. We saw a few new people as well - lots of guys on bicycles, including a hilarious young guy who kept rolling through on his bike, taking as many sandwiches as we could give him. Some people probably left with around 10 sandwiches as we had plenty, but those will probably only last for a few snacks, perhaps a breakfast and a lunch, and then we will see them again.
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