Sometimes I feel (well, all the time these days) as if I live in the parallel universe in which Jo had kids. Out there somewhere is another parallel universe where Jo never got married or had kids, and she's living the good life in a high rise condo....that's always what I thought I would do as a kid. Now I just seem to be stuck between work and kids and can't make anything work. Yesterday I was trying to teach Matthew piano and he said "Mom, you're giving me a heart attack" and started to cry. And then Elizabeth is this alien extroverted kid who comes and goes and doesn't seem to fit in with our nerdy family at all. Sometimes I really wonder if she was switched at birth.

So what's the answer? Pray? Cry? I've been trying to resolve all of this for six years with no luck. Now I just want to curl into a ball and be alone for a long long time. Maybe I'm still not over all the stress of the last few years. I feel better, but still not "right". Maybe by Christmas I'll feel better.