Spiritual gift...or spiritual curse?

I'm struggling right now with my business - it's just tax preparation, so how much emotion could be involved in that? Lots, I am finding out. From the 52 year old divorced trucker to the lady who has just started a framing business, I find myself thinking about them far too often. I want them to think highly of me, so I put in so much extra effort to give them great service. But at what cost? I can't sleep, I'm always trying to think of ways to help them, and I feel guilty handing them a bill. Sometimes I feel like I should be doing a lot of this out of the goodness of my heart, but then I have to remind myself that I need to pay my mortgage and keep food on the table. Then I think that if they just would have called someone else, they probably would have received the same product (although not necessarily the same great service!) for a far lesser price. How crazy is that?

In a way I envy my former co-workers who could rattle through tax returns and couldn't care less about their clients (and often had never even met them!). But, I guess that's not me - I'm just going to have to deal with the fact that I care about everyone who crosses my path.

This is going to be a long two months!

Ego

Sometimes I wonder why our Creator made us to be self-centred and egotistic. It is so frustrating sometimes!! In a way, it makes us strive for the top and try to be the best we can, but on the way to the top it's so easy to forget the important things. I'm sure my 80 year old self would travel back and time and say things like, "Jo, it didn't matter at all whether you were the best at this or had the most of that, but what did matter is that the kids turned out okay and you fulfilled your given purpose, and the legacy will live on forever."

But still, I get a little twinge of jealousy when I hear about the other accountants in town getting clients, thinking, "Those should be my clients, I'm a CA after all, blah blah blah." Why can't I silence that little voice in my head? Maybe 15 years of hanging around with power hungry, bottom line oriented people has helped that little voice along, but it's still my responsibility to silence it.

And so my fervent prayer today is to get rid of that little voice and concentrate on my Purpose (which I'm still not sure what it is!). I have prayed for some revelation these past few nights, but instead had dreams about vampires and heavy metal bands....not too much revelation there! I've been enjoying the blue sky a little more, however, knowing that one day from that sky will come the answer.....one day.......