Torn

Oh my aching heart - what a week it has been. Since I found out that the "Gideon" on a friend's blog was the grandson of our Senior Pastor, I have been praying like never before, talking to God in open language ("Come on God, you can DO this!" - like He needs encouragement from me), and just thinking that if we all prayed hard enough, a miracle could occur, that a baby only a few days ago was headed to Heaven would grow and prosper and live out his purpose. So far, we are still waiting, but Gideon continues to fight and the story is already an amazing one of faith and God's unending love. What has been a teary rollercoaster for me is likely unimaginable for his family, and so I continue to pray non-stop, as we should always, but rarely ever do.

And then there was last night, Tuesday, at The Mustard Seed. Each week my heart is gripped by the people who walk in the door - Darryl, who had walked from Whyte Ave to eat but left his fiance there because she was tired. They are homeless and their truck was stolen a few weeks ago. There is the nameless guy (only because I have yet to ask him his name) who told me how he used to be a mathematical genius until he drank too much, and now at 45 he doesn't think he can get it back. The guy who seemed cheery but told me he is lonely and depressed because he has nowhere to live and no family or friends. He spent Thanksgiving walking around, and expects Christmas to be the same. He left with a blanket and a warm jacket to weather out the night...and it's not even cold yet. The guy who took three water bottles to his "destination of choice" as he called it, and asked if I knew anything about the new ID for homeless people. And the one that sticks in my mind the most, the young guy with the crazy unkempt hair, who introduced himself by asking me if I had a Scottish background, and then asked me to dance during karaoke. Of course I had to decline as there were leftovers to be served, and we're not supposed to touch the community members anyway (sigh), but I wondered why he asked - someone else lonely and depressed?

I can't stop thinking about all of the people I talked to last night, and wishing I could go find them right now to make sure they are okay. I never thought my heart would ache so much for people I don't even know, people who just see me as one of the many faces who serves them coffee night after night - I'm no one special to them, but they are so special to me.

I keep thinking that someday I will be doing more for them than just serving coffee and handing out plates, but it's not in my vision yet, although I know it's in God's.

The Lord will fulfill His purpose in me.