It's Great To Be Back!

I haven't been to church since July 10 - the Sunday before my surgery. To be honest, there was no way I could have gone back until at least mid-August, since being in a sitting position for more than about 20 minutes was quite uncomfortable. Once I was feeling a little better in later August, I then was reluctant to return, since my buddy and her family were gone, and I wasn't sure how I was going to react upon returning to church with them not being there, and I certainly didn't want to make a spectacle of myself! I already had done that once - in the hospital, when I looked at the clock on Sunday afternoon and realized I was missing their going away party, and I had a major meltdown in my hospital bed. Luckily, my favorite nurse was in the room at the time and helped me breathe again - the problem was that I was starting to cry, and crying hurt, so I was hyperventilating, and caused a big scene.

And so I stayed away, but did some studying (Song of Songs!), and read some great books (Chuck Missler and Francis Chan!), and decided that the Fall Kick Off would be a great time to return. The teaching series was on parables - some of my favorite parts of the New Testament, and best off all, we were burning the church mortgage!!

The return was even better than I could have imagined.

A few times during worship I was reminded that there was a big family missing in the pews behind us, and my eyes glistened, but I didn't feel sad, because I knew it was time to move on. So often this past year I have used them as a buffer (after all, it's easy to hide among a bunch of kids!) and I have been terribly anti-social, but in hindsight it's just been one of those "trying years" where God becomes so much clearer.

And sitting there in my seat, with my precious buffer gone, everything seemed more clear. I was excited to begin Sunday School next week, after grumbling for the past couple of years that "nothing interested me" (when the truth was, I really didn't want to hang out with a bunch of people). I felt called to The Mustard Seed more than ever, and may expand my horizons beyond Karaoke Tuesday and into PAC - the Personal Assistance Centre. I had a great chat with one of our worship leaders and I may get onto a worship team soon....or at least be able to hang around with them a bit to learn the ropes. So many exciting things to do after a summer of laying around and feeling sorry for myself.

But then....I had to remind myself that we can get so busy "doing" that we forget about nurturing that relationship with The One for whom we are "doing" everything. I made that mistake last year, trying to do too many things at once, and I completely burnt out. Done. Finit. I had enough of life.

Maybe all of this stuff that happened over the past year was God's way of forcing me to slow down, to give up the things that weren't important, and to force myself to rely on Him for strength when some days it felt like I couldn't continue any longer. Now that I seem to have poked my head out from beneath the dark clouds, I sure can't forget everything He helped me with.

I think it might be better right now to continue in this quiet space of life I've created and just let Him lead....to whatever and wherever.

It Doesn't Really Matter

The other day the kids were listening to one of my "feet songs" (ie. dance music that I typically use for my fitness classes), and one was a song that sampled an old 80s tune: Obsession by Animotion. Now, I this would be a song which I could pull on "Don't Forget the Lyrics" and rattle off 12, 15, 20 words - essentially the entire song. I then went onto Youtube and showed the kids the Animotion video. There's nothing like 80s videos, and there's nothing like 80s hair.

After the giggles about the hair in the Animotion video, I said to them, "Oh, I have some videos that show even better hair!" That led to pulling up Images in Vogue's "Call It Love" (I dare you to check it out and not bust a gut - when I was a child in the middle of the cheezy 80s I saw that video and thought, "this is really bad"). Elizabeth's first comment: I thought that was a girl. We moved onto Platinum Blonde, and Elizabeth echoed her comment: I thought that was a girl. She really gets a kick out of Boy George, and yes, she thought he was a girl too.

Music is so awesome - it can make you smile, it can bring back memories, and I watched those videos longing for those carefree days of youth, of the summer before grade 9 when Bananarama's "Venus" was released and I practiced dancing to it in my bedroom. Maybe that's why I enjoy karaoke night at The Mustard Seed so much - because everyone just hangs out and forgets their troubles, singing, clapping, laughing. The last song of the night was a great rendition of "Ice Ice Baby" (Vanilla Ice, of course!), and Stewart and I boogied around the coffee bar as we cleaned up.

And as I headed out into the night, crowds of people hanging out on this warm summer evening, I pondered about all that we think we need to worry about, and all that we complain about, and none of it really matters at all.

And if none of it really matters, why does it continue to take over our lives???

The Best Day of the Year!

The first day of school is pretty close to Christmas Eve for my favorite day of the year. There's nothing like sorting school supplies, picking out new clothes, and heading off to school with anticipation: Who will be my teacher? Who will be in my class? For us, we knew who the teachers were going to be, but had no idea that there would be so many new kids coming into the school! Last year, my kids were the new kids, but this year I saw a lot of unfamiliar faces, and found out later that the school's population had grown once again!! I'm so happy for the school - those teachers work so hard.

Matthew was very happy with his class - 13 kids, only a few girls (only 1 girl today!), and lots of buddies to chat with about lego. He even had a buddy at recess, and they ended the day chatting about the lego movie that will be on TV on Monday.

Elizabeth was also very happy - loves her new teacher, there are lots of girls in the class (compared to last year when she was one of only 5 girls!), and she was playing with a gaggle when I arrived to pick them up after school.

And so another school year begins, and we're all off on the right foot. I feel so different from last year, when I wasn't sure whether I had made the right choice to switch schools, but there is no doubt now that they are where they always should have been, and I'm lucky that there are lots of great years to come!!

Boy, am I stupid!

Tomorrow I visit my surgeon for my six week checkup, and my plan of running on Thursday morning (or any time in the near future) has been blown to bits. However, in hindsight, the events of the past few days was a thankful sign that I'm nowhere near ready to start running again.

Let me explain.

On Sunday, our delightful little town hosted the "Kraft Celebration Tour" on TSN, complete with celebrity hosts, free Oreos, and an Edmonton Eskimo thrown in for good measure. It was a hot day, with no parking in the river valley, so we walked down the steep hill to get to Voyageur Park. I felt good, a little slow, but then I was overtaken by the madness of the live TV show, knowing that my mom and dad were watching for the kids on TV. Scott had Matthew on his shoulders, so Elizabeth went on my shoulders - that was mistake #1.

At the end of it all, we headed towards the busses, but so did everyone else, and I decided that we should walk up the hill. After all, I had run up that hill a zillion times, it wasn't that big of a hill (?!?!?), and I didn't want to wait for the bus in 30 degree heat. I was proud when we beat the busses up the hill.

That was mistake #2.

I woke up on Monday morning and felt absolutely AWFUL! I was nauseous, was trying to force myself to eat bits of fruit, and felt like I was going to throw up any moment. I tried to do a bit of work but instead decided to spend the day in bed. I felt like I did when I came home from the hospital, and was kicking myself. I had a fever, my incision was hot, and I was worried that I had blown some stiches and had an internal infection. I envisioned returning to the hospital, going back into surgery, my doctor cursing me the whole way. It was a very depressing day.

Thankfully, I woke up this morning and felt 100% better. I was able to eat, I drank lots of water, and my fever was gone. Scott wisely "suggested" that I skip The Mustard Seed tonight, and I agreed - my body needs sleep, not a late, busy night and a midnight (or later) bedtime. Time to go to bed and continue to rest.

So 5 Peaks is out, but I'm going to cheer on my friends at the start and the finish. As my sister said, I have a lifetime to enjoy exercise, but if I screw up this recovery, it could be a long time before I do anything again, including returning to The Mustard Seed, and I want to get back there as soon as I can.

So for now, there is only rest in my future.

Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

This healing process is so FRUSTRATING!! I was feeling great, tempted to run (but I still won't until August 25...if I get the doc's okay) and then we went on a little holiday around Alberta. Throw in three days of driving, walking around, and me deciding to walk up hills in the mountains, and I felt awful last night - sore, swollen, and depressed. Before we left last week I had my sights set on 5 Peaks on September 24, but now I wonder if I'll be running by Christmas. I slept almost 11 hours last night (another sign that my body was hurting), but felt better this morning.

Part of me wishes I would have listened to the doctors when they told me this was major surgery and that I'd be out for six weeks, but I know that once I'm healed it will all be worth it. I have to stop letting my ego get the best of me and realize I'm not going to be in the best shape of my life right now - I just need to rest and heal. But as I rest and heal, I also feel so lazy - but that's life - it doesn't always roll the way that you want.

25 Minutes

Boy oh boy how we take our good health for granted! After thinking that I would be out walking only two weeks post-op, I came down to earth with a crash when I realized last Friday that it wasn't going to happen. My energy was still low, my insides sore, and so I delayed my walking program for a week.

Fast forward to yesterday, three weeks post-op, and so much has changed! On Thursday I started to feel better, and thought I'd just try to walk for ten minutes on Friday. I did a mile loop around our house and was happy to have finished in 24 minutes. I felt great all day, drank lots of water and ate good food, and woke up this morning feeling like I could do it again. I walked a full 2 km in 25 minutes, meaning I'm speeding up already! I now have my sites set on a trail run in September and maybe a 5 km run in October....but only if my doctor gives me the okay.

Who ever thought I'd be happy completing a 25 minute walk?!?!?!

After three weeks of less than optimal health, I'm definitely appreciating my body a lot more as it continues to heal, and I'm realizing how important good nutrition and hydration is to the healing process. We're only given one body, and at some point we need to realize that we need to treat it properly or it begins to fail us. I don't want to be living a life of regret 20 years from now thinking, "I wish I had taken better care of myself." I think there are too many people living that regret right now.

I Hate My Bed

It's now been 11 days since my surgery and I've been home for just over a week. I find it amusing what my pre-surgery self thought I'd be doing right now: Meeting with friends, going for walks, returning to The Mustard Seed, working, etc. The reality is that I've barely been out of the house since I came home and I have spent way too much time in bed. For the first few days after I came home, I could only stand for 5-10 minutes before I became dizzy and nauseous, and had to return to bed. Each night was torture as I tried to get comfortable sleeping on my back, only to awake with stiff insides and a sore back.

I spent most of my time in the hospital doing number puzzles, grew tired of those, have now memorized the TV schedule, grown bored with the drivel on the screen, and I still won't be able to go for a good walk for at least another week, and running or lifting weights is at least a month away. I dread the dusk turning into night, as I face another uncomfortable sojourn with pillows piled all around.

But I am optimistic; I feel better than I did just a couple of days ago, I have minimal pain, I can laugh at my frozen and swollen stomach, and I know I'll be returning to normal life soon.

And on top of all that, I am thankful for our knowledgable doctors and access to great healthcare. We live in a wonderful country and we are so blessed.

So, even though I hate my bed, I thank God every day that I have a bed, and a house around it, and I am healthy and strong.