A.W.O.L.

People come and go from the Mustard Seed, and I've always assumed that they moved (to a warmer climate!) or no longer have the need for our services. It's been over a year since I've been there, and I finally have realized where some of those people may have gone: Jail. It honestly hadn't crossed my mind until last week.

One of the more "colourful" karaoke singers has been gone for a long time, since way before Christmas. Last I saw him he sang a Dylan-esque rendition of "It's My Life". Hilarious. I've thought about him over the past few months, but thought he had probably moved on. He showed up last week with John (another regular), and I naively asked, "I haven't seen you for a long time - have you been away?" John replied for him, "Yah, he's been away at the Remand."

I then thought of so many others I haven't seen in a while. Clayton, the mohawked singer of Nirvana and STP - he came in every week since I started, and then all of the sudden was gone. My crazy haired friend, who when I last saw him, said he had been "in hiding". I thought maybe he was hiding from some "bad people", and maybe he was, but he may have also been in hiding from the police, for I haven't seen him since.

Today one of the regulars returned after a month or two of being gone, greeted by hugs and squeals and cries of, "You're out!"

Why didn't I see it before? I guess I never thought that jail was a reality for a lot of the people who seem fairly normal when they walk through our doors. I wonder, if I visited the Remand Centre, how many I would recognize?

But on a positive note, Sheldon came by for a visit, seems to be enjoying his new place, and is off to Saskatchewan tomorrow to visit his brother. He seemed happy. God is taking care of him.

Health

The human body is a miraculous thing. We can abuse it through lack of sleep, poor food choices, and lack of movement. Stress is an unseen abuser of our miraculous shells, but it too poisons from the inside out, but the body is strong. It keeps on ticking through all sorts of storms, until it finally gives up and screams, "ENOUGH!"

How long have I been abusing my body through stress? Probably too long. This winter was particularly stressful, mentally as I tried to cope (and still cope) with the aftermath of the fire, a crazy tax season, and trying to take on a side job at the gym. It was all too much, building at a frenetic pace to a climax that I didn't expect....it knocked me flat on my back.

I should have know something was wrong when I felt so tired for so long. I should have known something was wrong when I was sleeping until 900 on the weekend. I should have known something was wrong when a step aerobics class that I usually sail through almost killed me. I did know something was wrong when I woke up last Friday and my face and neck were swollen and my lymph node was painful to the touch. But still, I didn't want to bother with the hospital - it wasn't an "emergency". Scott finally made me go last Friday and I ended up with a staph infection and on IV antibiotics every eight hours for 72 hours. It was an emergency.

I never get sick, but this one has knocked me flat. I still feel like I could sleep all day, and wish that I could. I think my body has decided that enough is enough, and it's time to relax. It's time to get rid of the stress-causers and forget about the poisonous people, and just chill.

I'm not sure I even know what that means.

HodgePodge

Lots to say, not a lot of time to say it....it's been nice to wind down after a VERY crazy tax season. I spent a lot of this week cleaning up my office, tying up loose ends, and preparing for our trip to.....DISNEYLAND! I'm happy to say that I'm not overplanning - I'm just familiarizing myself with the park and the attractions. Our plan for Monday when we arrive is to have NO PLAN. We're going to arrive, take the Monorail around the park to look at everything, and then just take everything as it comes. After all, we have a six day pass - lots of time to see lots of stuff!

While we are gone I will miss my first Tuesday at The Mustard Seed in almost a year. I have likely seen my buddy Sheldon for the last time; he finally got his own place (YAY!), but it's over on 153rd street so he won't be visiting too often, if ever. He is often grumpy and very sarcastic, but I know he's going to miss us. One of the last things he said to me, as I was clearing away his coffe mug, was "You'd make somebody a good maid." Of course he was smiling when he said it, and I should have chatted with him again before he left, but off he went into the night, and will probably be in his own cozy place by the time I return. I'm going to miss him, but I'm sure another character will cross my path to entertain me on Karaoke Night.

I'm a little wary about going away, and yesterday brought back a flood of bad memories as the winds and the heat made our front entrance smell like a campfire. I almost called a friend who is on the Devon Fire Department, but then my logical self told my irrational self that I had been smelling the smoke all day - if there was a fire, there would be evidence of it by late evening! I spiraled downward and sat awake, thinking, "Is this how it's going to be....forever???"

As I sat, wallowing in self-pity, a message came through my head loud and clear - You've been trying to do this by yourself and it hasn't been working. It's time to start leaning on God. I've been searching for God throughout the past six months with little luck, and I think I had just finally given up. After this message went through my head, I decide to google, "Is there a scripture that can bring me out of despair" and part of Psalm 71 popped up. Since I wanted to see the entire Psalm, I went to a bible website, but "erroneously" typed in Psalm 70. It became one of those bible moments where the scripture pops out in technicolor and screams off of the page:

The first line: Hasten O God to save me; come quickly, Lord, to help me.

The last line: You are my help and my deliverer; Lord do not delay.

It was call from David thousands of years ago, and it was my call to Him last night. There's no way I can do this alone.

This morning the smoky smell was gone and I went for an early morning run and enjoyed His Creation.

Backup Your Stuff!

It's been quite a fast and furious tax season this year, and one thing that seems to get onto the backburner when we get busy is backing up our files. We always think, "I'll do it later" and then later never comes.

After the fire, I reflected on the fact that my laptop was one of the things I thought of as I was shuttling everyone out of the house. How silly, but the truth is, my laptop has a lot of important data on it. I immediately went onto Cabonite.com and set up a backup process - it's offsite, and I no longer had to worry about taking my laptop in case of an emergency.

Imagine how relieved I was today when my laptop absolutely crashed. I went onto cabonite.com, my data is all safe, and I probably just need a new laptop, on which I'll restore everything.

BACKUP YOUR STUFF!

Favorites

We always have favorites in life - my favorite ice cream is chocolate, my favorite colour is blue, and my favorite season is fall. We're not necessarily supposed to have favorite people in life - everyone should be treated equally, but there are always those who work their way into our hearts just a little more than others. At The Mustard Seed, Gary is Minnie's favorite, as she is always watching for him to come through the door so she can help serve him (he is a senior and walks with a cane). My favorite is Sheldon. I have always believe that God speaks through dreams, and Sheldon was first introduced to me in a dream, not long after I started my work downtown. He was the one familiar face in a lineup of people in a dream I had one night, and I didn't even know him then. I began talking to him shortly before we had the fire, and then he became a source of comfort throughout the winter as I struggled to keep it all together (who knows if I succeeded - sometimes I still don't feel all together). I have been bugging Sheldon to sing karaoke for months, and last night as we were cleaning up the coffee bar I heard a different voice to an old familiar song and I had to pop out to see who was singing, because it was a good voice. I looked towards the front of the church and there stood Sheldon, in a white t-shirt (he rarely takes off his coat), singing his guts out. It was just one of those moments where you see these people in a different light - they aren't homeless or poor or down on their luck, they're just people, made in God's image like the 6 billion others roaming around on this planet, doing the best they can with the life they were given. I drove home wondering about all the people we cross paths with every day, and why there are some that we pause to reflect about, and there must be a Plan in place, and we have to follow those ebbs and flows and maybe someday He'll reveal how it was all part of the Master Design. But for now, I'll just wait for that revelation and enjoy my time with these people that I now care about so much.

How I Spent My Saturday

This time of year is always tough - client demands, deadlines, and the volume of tax season. It happens every year, and I've been doing this for a while now so it's not so much of a surprise anymore. Being the last week of March, which is always the busiest week of the year, I sent the kids off to the in-laws for the weekend so that I could catch up on work and spend some time with them next week during spring break. I have been doing volunteer tax returns with the town for a few years now, and decided this year to visit the seniors' lodges in town so that they didn't have to trek down to the library, risking their limbs on the snow and ice (is it EVER going to melt???), and I could complete their tax returns in the comfort of their own buildings. First stop - Goldring Manor, where I arrived at 1000, just in time to see the Canadian ladies curling team beat China and win a place in the gold medal game. There were a few waiting for me when I arrived, and they were all patient, and Ed, being the gentleman from another era, let the ladies go first even though he had been one of the first to arrive. They were all appreciative, thankful, and I received a box of chocolate dinner mints from one of them. One lady commented that she just couldn't go down the stairs at the usual place she has her taxes done, and was so grateful that I came for a visit. Next stop - Discovery Place, where the seniors I met we primarily over 80 (and almost 90), and sat with me, chatting about life and the weather, happy to sit for a few minutes to get their taxes over and done with! After some minor technical difficulties, I was rolling, and sadly ended my time by telling the last gentleman that he owed tax. "What do you mean," he cried. "I don't make any money!" I walked away with a resolve to find him some extra tax credits if it was that last thing I did! Last stop - The Mustard Seed, dodging monster-sized potholes along the way, Saturday night, with the Oilers playing the Flames and the inner city folks gathered together to see if the Oil could spoil Calgary's hopes of making the playoffs (they didn't - surprise, surprise). I ran down the list, punching in government benefit slips, printing pages, and providing instructions. I think I might have convinced Gary to file the tax returns he has missed for the last 11 years. He had been homeless for a long time before recently getting his own place. It would be worth it even if he could just get three years of GST credits back. At first, he was reluctant, but just as I left, he came over to chat about it further....when I see him on Tuesday, I'll make sure I bug him. And the quote of the night, of course from Sheldon, who wandered over to say goodbye as I was leaving, and I asked if he filed taxes to get GST, and his response: "Who cares about GST? I don't need any money!" and off he went, back to his table to cheer on his beloved Flames. I'll keep working on him. It was a frantic and busy Saturday, rushing in and out of the house, trying to do bits of work in between visits, but I went to bed thinking about becoming a nurse....and working at The Mustard Seed....and helping whoever needs it - healthy or sick, rich or poor. It was so worth it!

A Conversation

Me: Sheldon, do you want to take some food home?

Sheldon: HOME? I don't have a home.

Me: Where do you go when you leave here?

Sheldon: I've been staying at a friend's place, but before that, the Hope.

Me: Well, at least it's getting warmer.

Sheldon: I hate it when it gets warmer.

Me: Why?

Sheldon: Because then I can't walk on the river.

Me: Why do you walk on the river?

Sheldon: I don't know.

Me: Well, it's spring, don't walk on the river.

Sheldon: Why?

Me: Because the ice would break and that would be the end of Sheldon.

Sheldon: Why would that be a bad thing?

sigh.....